Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have fence marks all over my body
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
