I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
