Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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