he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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