I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
