I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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