meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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