her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
