ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
