AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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