found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
