That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
