She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we're so committed to being not committed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
