He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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