Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
