Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
