Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
