I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
