i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
