don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
