Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
