Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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