Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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