There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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