I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
