I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
