i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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