i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
