I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
