anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
