i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
