I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
