Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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