fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
