I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
