I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
