Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
