Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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