I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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