my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't deserve a penis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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