I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
