I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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