foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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