How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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