hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i believe in u and ur pee
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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