How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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