i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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