I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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