naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
