This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
