Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
