you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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