I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
