Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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