her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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