do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
