Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
