No awkward lesbian experiences without me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
