i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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