She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
