I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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