yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
