she looked like the before picture.
someone owes me an orgasm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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