I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
