if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
