508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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