Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
