If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's shark week go big or go home
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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