i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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