apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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