What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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