we have officially lost it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
