Barsexuality is the new black.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
