I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
