I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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