he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
