So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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