i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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