and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
